Haven’t been feeling so bad till recently.. Afterall, December didn’t seemed to be that amazing afterall..
I don’t understand why am I being treated in a way where I feel like I’m being made used of or like I’m here for to serve you.. I’m starting to doubt many things.. Is it genuine?
What’s love all about?
I wish for someone who can understand me.. Im loosing the feeling…
Today I was with my family at someone’s house and they were talking about hearts and surgery.
One man told us he had a stroke while driving. He knew it, and struggled to continue driving home.
Why? Because he wanted to see his wife and kids one last time.
A determined husband/father’s LGMH.
sudden change of thoughts about many other things. its not what i wanted, its not the things that ive planned in mind. what really is love? and what is it like being married? in the fairy tales in the movies, everything ends with a perfect ending but its not happening in real life.
you said something which made me didn’t even want to think of the future, marriage is something i don’t think i want anymore.. i feel weird and crappy. oh well.
shhhhhhsshh.
i pin no hope
just got reminded of the past, i feel shame. i felt the shame, i felt the pain. it all runs all over again. memories falls into place, its back to square one. didnt wanted to feel it anymore, but things are said cant be taken back. i was being used, made used of. i feel so ashamed of myself, but i cant hide it no more. its piling up, its hitting its limits. im loosing control.
ive changed.
its been long since ive tumblr-ed :) schools been pretty OKAYYY only. just that i dislike mondays. its always the monday blues and the long hours of studying which makes me always feel like skipping classes there and there.
i cant imagined myself walking from block 81 to block 1 den back again for the past 3 weeks when the sch jus started, come to think of it, its pretty tiring! like CLIMB UP HILL, den down again. tskk.
well well, its gonna be another tiring monday for me.
anw! I ENJOYED HANOI & KL gig’s! :D
wad sort of feeling is that? another sudden thots that came into my mind, i feel like my daily routine is like the same. like,
monday: extra mtt
tuesday: nothing
wednesday: yog trng, cajon lessons(if there is)
thursday: work in the morning; if able to find replacement den would be yog trng
friday: work in the morning, rush to cellgrp
saturday: work at 3.15pm till closing
sunday: service, extra mtt
its like so dead type of routine ): i want a different life. seriously cant wait for school to start.
so im not getting my laptop already. sighh. i hate to clear up shits like this
Youth meeting on monday was indeed great :) really awesome i can say. :) it was like a time i really rediscover my love for God, i dont wanna compromised God anymore. like how i used to be last time. felt dry and empty, nothing could fill the emptiness inside me.
these few days has been tough, been doing alot of self-reflection. the things that ive been doing and the things that upsetted people around me/disappointments. ive realized i havent been really nice or should i say christian-like to many people. ive been thinking all about me, myself and i. selfish in summary, tried to do things in the more +ve way but its not helping.. it jus end up in the -ve way. ):
i guess when i was in the bus home today, God really put many thots and visions in me, like what are the goals in life and what kind of fruits i want to have in the future, i cant imagine the time when i go up to heaven that ive got no fruits of my labour to present to God. i dont want that to happen cos i know God has really been good to me and He has really done many things for me in my present life. i dont want to make use of God to achive something in life and not thanking him and doing something for Him in His kingdom. i want to be somebody.
school application is so getting over me, its almost done but yet not done ): this is bad. deadline is jus in 4days! and my bro just dont wanna get the lappy for me ): tsk.
